Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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