I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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