It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
