Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
