I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize