there's paper in my vomit.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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