Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
