I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
this is an emotional support booty call
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
