Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
