Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
