It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
