My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
