it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
