my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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