he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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