Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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