my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
