i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
