it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
im on a boat
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