no, he came in my armpit
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
