If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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