I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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