I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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