whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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