Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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