He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
