i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
