Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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