what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
