clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
