Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
