When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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