you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
that may or may not have been my penis.
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