and you said cock pushups were impossible
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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