If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
