Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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