Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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