I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
