you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
