I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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