i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
