I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize