Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
