lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
