Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
