Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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