You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
