My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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