he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
