i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
