Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
