im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
