theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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