If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
