I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She even gives head with a lisp.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
