Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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