I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
