Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
