just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think a kid would responsible me up
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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