Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
