you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He better not be in your backpack
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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