Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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