She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
