Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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